Clearing Space - How and Why I Meditate; Three in a series

Before I begin, I want to say that I am by no means an expert on meditation. I share from my own personal experience only. I think that is the beauty of meditation. It sometimes seems like an intimidating word or concept, but it is the simplest thing to begin. Anyone can do it and the only thing you need to do to start is just that - start.

As I've mentioned before, there have been a number of recent studies on the benefits of meditation including this one and this one. They have identified that for the maximum impact in the least amount of time, we should be meditating for 20 minutes a day. If that sounds like an eternity or long enough to make you stop reading right now, don't panic. As with all things in life - eating better, exercising, etc. - it's important to begin where you are. Never meditated before? One minute a day is an improvement upon that. 

I think the best way to share is from personal experience so here is a glimpse at what my meditation practice looks like:

1. Make coffee - this is a crucial first step for me. I meditate in the morning and I need coffee before I can do anything else.

2. Say a prayer - you can call this a devotion or a reading or a poem and it can be absolutely anything you want it to be - from a religion, or not; from a specific spiritual practice, or not.

3. Short reading or writing - if I read something it's usually from one of my daily readers that has a specific reading for each day of the year. If I write something it's usually a short gratitude list.

4. Meditate - I sit comfortably on a pillow on the floor and meditate for as long as I can. If I only have a few minutes I don't bother timing myself. If I'm trying to get in 20 minutes, I will set a timer on my phone and see if I make it.  While I'm sitting there, I practice Ujjayi breath (if you do yoga you'll be familiar with this technique, if not, watch this) and do my best to let my thoughts go. To be clear, I've never been able to have an empty mind or to stop my thoughts completely. I understand that people do in fact achieve this and maybe I will too one day, but for me the process is more about observing my thoughts and seeing if I can stay in a calm and peaceful place in spite of them. If I sit there for long enough, the ujjayi breath seems to get louder and louder until it's almost a roaring ocean in my ears and it is actually possible to let go of thoughts for a few fleeting moments. When the time is up I usually just get up and go about my day, but if a new idea or interesting thought has come to me during my meditation time, I will write it down. If I don't, as I go about my day it's too easy to forget what I've learned.

For years, this whole process took me five to 10 minutes. The meditation period lasted anywhere from one to five minutes and that was that. It's what I had time for and it was sufficient for the results I wanted to get.

Only recently and honestly as a result of reading the study about how we can change or brain structure with just 20 minutes a day, I've tried to bump that up to the full 20 whenever I can. On the weekends that's usually no problem. My schedule is my own and if I want to make the time, it's there for me. On weekdays when having time to fit it all in before work means getting up really early I don't always make the cut. I do what I can, even if that just means two minutes.

I also don't want to give you the impression that I do this every single day of my life. There have been weeks, even months where I haven't made it a priority to pause and center myself. This isn't an all or nothing exercise - this is a start where you are and do what you can process.

So, why do I set aside this time in my busy life? What is it that I get from meditation? For starters, I have an easier time staying peaceful in my daily life. I'm able to respond to life rather than just react to it. But perhaps more importantly, what I get is a sense of being connected. I am less focused on exerting my will on the world and those around me and more interested in discovering what the world has in store for me each day.

What am I connecting to when I meditate? Well, that's a huge question and not one I could ever hope to answer definitively. There are as many names for it as there are religions and I am certainly not here to debate those nor to give more credence to one than the other. I choose just to acknowledge that there is some greater power at work and that each individual has the opportunity to access and experience that power in any way that works for them

My intention is only to give you a window into how I start my day, most days, in hopes that it might be of some benefit.

Clearing Space in Your Closet; Two in a Series

Image from West Elm

While I know that many people are making due with much less, my husband and I are bursting at the seems of our just under 1,000 square foot condo.  It's our own fault. We own too much stuff.

We both love clothes and shopping (yes, my husband is a straight male and he loves shopping almost as much as I do - it's a blessing and a curse) and as a result, our minimal closet space is always overflowing. Our only hope is to regularly sort through everything and donate what we're no longer using.

Here's the method that works for me and has even gotten my reluctant husband to hand over a few items to the giveaway pile.

First, know that you don't have to tackle everything at once. Focus on one area at a time. You can clear out your dresser one weekend and focus on hanging clothes another. Or perhaps it needs to be as small as one drawer at a time. No shame in that. Tackle whatever amount seems manageable. There's a good chance the sense of accomplishment you'll get once that first drawer is finished will spur you on to do more.

Now, one at a time, take each item out of the first drawer and place it in one of three piles - keep, not sure and definitely donate. Definitely donate is almost always the smallest pile. That's okay. Return all of the keep items to the drawer, setting aside anything that needs to be washed, dry cleaned or mended. 

Time to sort through the not sure pile. This is always the hardest part, but if you can be honest with yourself about whether you will actually wear something, you're going to get better results. I find there are generally three reasons I don't want to put something in the giveaway pile:

1. It cost a decent amount of money.

2. It has some sentimental value to me.

3. I'm certain it will be the one thing I will want to wear next weekend, right after I have made the drop at Goodwill. 

I have to keep in mind that the money I spent is already long gone and if something is really valuable, then I take it to a resale shop to see if I can get anything for it before donating it.

It probably seems silly, but sentimentality is where I usually let myself slide. Old ratty t-shirt that I don't even sleep in anymore, but it was the first shirt I co-opted from my husband after we moved in together? It stays. I guess I'm just a sentimental sap at heart.

Finally, in all the years I've been donating used clothing, I have never, not once, wished I still had an item I let go of. If I haven't worn it in months, maybe years, I'm not going to miss it once it's gone.*

I try to run through this process regularly (at least twice a year) to keep the space clear and keep tabs on what I have. The best part? As soon as space is cleared, I get to fill it back up again. Lots of ideas on how to do that here. 

*In the interest of full disclosure, when I was four years old, I made my mother drive me to the Verdugo Hills Women's Guild Thrift Shop to buy back my favorite dress that she had donated without consulting me, but that's a different story. She didn't ask and it was my FAVORITE dress. Didn't matter that it had stopped fitting me at least a year before. I had to have it back.

Five Ways to Get Happy in 20 Minutes or Less

Aka The Lunch Break Mood-Boost

I often use my lunch break to check items off my to-do list - drop off the dry cleaning, pick up the last few items on my grocery list or return that dress that just didn't work once I got it home. I'm running around like crazy trying to get to the end of my list and to what end? There's always room on that list for more items and it has a tendency to reset every single week (but I thought I did the laundry last week!?!?)

I want to start using that time to add a dose of happiness to my day instead of racing to finish some imaginary checklist. You too? Here are five ideas for doing just that in 20 minutes or less.

1. Meditate for 20 minutes - there have been a slew of recent studies touting the benefits of meditation. It seems we have the power to alter our brain structure with just 20-minutes a day. If you can't fit that in before work, find a place on your lunch break (hint: sitting in your car works) where you can pause, be quiet and breath. It's okay if thoughts pop in and out of your head, just do your best to be quiet and let go.

2. Go for a 20-minute walk - that's all it takes for all kinds of good things to start happening in your body. Your energy levels rise, you start to offset all that nasty sitting most of us do every day and check out this image of what's going on in your brain after a short walk.

3. Write a gratitude list - you've heard it before, happiness doesn't come from getting what you want, it comes from wanting what you already have. Take time to write a list of all the things you're grateful for and you may just be able to shift your attention to the positive.

4. Phone a friend - I'm an introvert at heart and if I'm being completely honest, I hate talking on the phone. At least I hate the idea of it. Once I'm actually on the phone asking someone how their day is going (read: not thinking about myself), it feels good and I'm always glad I picked up the phone.

5. Bring Back Nap Time - Seriously. A girlfriend of mine used to keep a pillow in her car so she could catch a few Zzzs on her lunch break. When all else fails, and these other tactics are no match for your exhausted state, I say why not? Again, 20 minutes seems to be the magic number here. Any longer and you risk feeling more groggy than when you started out.

Clearing Space; One in a Series

Clearing space. Easier said than done. We all know that feeling when the house is freshly cleaned and the closet and shelves have been rid of clutter. It feels free and full of possibility.

I get a similar feeling when I take time each morning to clear some space in my head. I feel lighter and more connected; ready to take on whatever challenges may come up in my day.

I think clearing space is one of the most valuable things we can do. Tackling all areas at once (think the closet, the kitchen, the fridge, your mind) can seem like an intimidating task, so I started with something simple, by clearing a little space in my makeup drawer. Insignificant to the task at hand? Perhaps, but I find when I start a daunting task by taking one small step, the satisfaction I get from completing one piece of the puzzle is enough to spur me on to tackle the rest.

So, here’s how I clear space in my makeup drawer.

First, I divide everything into two piles a) things I use every day and b) everything else. The things I use every day don’t really have time to expire. Everything in this pile gets an automatic pass into the keep pile.

Now, time to address the everything else pile. Usually the first pass at this pretty easy. I throw away everything that has clearly expired. You know that funky smelling/tasting lipstick that’s a bit long in the tooth or that mascara that should be labeled extra clumpy? Toss. Next, I have to get honest with myself. The many failed attempts at finding the perfect red lip resulted in way too many different, yet very similar shades of red lipstick, lip liner and lip gloss that just don’t work well on me. If some are salvageable, I either donate them or give to a friend who might have better luck with them than I do. The rest that are really too old, but I’ve been holding on to them because I’m just not willing to admit that I made a mistake and wasted that money? Those get tossed away. Along with them? Anything that makes me break out and any sample sizes that I wasn’t excited enough about to try right away.

Next I take makeup brush inventory. There are a lot. Every freebee makeup counter giveaway has at least one brush if not FIVE that I just don’t use. It seems wasteful to get rid of them, but what’s really wasteful is the time it takes to dig through the pile of them to find the one tool I need. I’ve been using eye shadow sticks almost exclusively for some time now, so I don’t need 15 eye shadow brushes. My professional makeup artist friend Katy? She needs 15. Me? Not so much. I keep two foundation brushes, one for my drawer, one for my gym bag, one blush brush, one bronzer brush, one finishing powder brush, the sterling silver brush that was a gift from my mother and a selection of eye shadow brushes in case I ever get tired of the sticks. The rest? Donate or gift to said makeup artist friend.

Now the fourth and final clearing step. If it’s a perfectly good product, works for my skin tone, but I’m just not using it, it’s hard to give up. What if one day I decide this is the magical component to my makeup routine that was keeping me from perfection all along? If that were true (or even possible) I would already be using it. Time to say goodbye to these too. As per above, donate anything you can. Toss the rest.

Now, the fun part. Chances are you have some extra space in that drawer. Time to find a few beautiful dishes to hold the different products. I love this, this and this. And in case you haven’t heard, Container Store is offering 15% off almost everything through February 8th.

Clearing space, step one, complete.